Tuesday, May 28, 2013
So very much.
Like tomorrow, tomorrow is a 14 hour work day. First babysitting, then my real job as a hostess.
I love hostessing. Babysitting? Eh. I used to love it, but then I moved and...
But I've had a few sleepovers and taken pictures and done all sorts of fun things.
Right now I'm watching a movie! I've watched a lot of movies. Especially chick flicks. Any recommendations?
Well have a lovely summer or day or week or just have a great life!
Saturday, May 18, 2013
I got an Instagram about a month ago and it's amazing.
It's fantastic. I don't post really any selfies because those are annoying or ones of just me and a friend, unless we're doing something cool.
My feed is mismatched and I use hashtags.
But I like it.
I started following a lot of photography accounts and I've been getting back in the habit of take pictures (I went for a photoshoot today actually)
So I made a photography account! It's also mismatched and my photos aren't the best, but I'm pretty happy with it.
If you care to follow me my personal is madigrace21, it's private so rapists don't follow me. My photography one is not private because it isn't, and it's dreamingofelmundo. I'm thinking of changing it! Any suggestions?
Monday, May 6, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Night is the most dangerous time of day
The time where I need the most protection
I have a closet light
to protect me from darkness
I have a blanket
to protect me from the cold
I have a locked window
to protect me from intruders
I have a fan
to protect me from silence
I have books
to protect me from boredom
But I have nothing, to protect me
from my thoughts.
~Madi Grace (me)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
It was that decision that changed my life. Not carrying out the decision, that hasn’t happened yet. But the decision, the decision, has already begun to change my life.
I have felt as though my whole life, I knew. All the bits and pieces, the feelings and emotions, the indecisiveness, it was all because deep down I had already decided. Even before I was born, He had decided. He had decided a plan for my life and I’m one of the lucky few who already know what I am called to do.
I can’t carry it out for another few years. The details are fuzzy. All I have is my faith. All I need is my faith. My faith will get me there.
There are times of doubt, times I’m not willing. But then I think back to that feeling. That feeling I had at 3:40 PM, March 19, 2012. I was so sure. And then I think to the future. And I know this is what has to happen, and the only thing that could possibly make me truly happy. I have been sure for over a year now, and I will be sure till the day I die.
I went to school that day with the dream of going to college then moving to New York City and becoming a wedding planner and photographer with my best friend. That dream died, but instead a new one came. This new dream was so much better than anything I had ever dreamed of doing. Sure there are some cons to it, but there are so many good things about it the cons seem so insignificant.
This decision, it all started when I had Language Arts seventh hour and we went to the computer lab in the back of the library to take a standardized test on the computer. We had to read a story and then answer questions on the story. One of my stories was about a girl who had become a doctor in Sri Lanka on a scholarship program. And I thought to myself,
“Wow. That’s amazing.” “Haven’t I always loved Africa?” “Haven’t I always wanted to be a doctor?” “Who am I really helping by being a wedding planner?”
I continued to take the test, unable to focus. All I could think of was Africa. Africa, Africa, Africa. I began to break out in a cold sweat despite the eighty-degree temperature outside. I began to feel nauseous and shakey. I couldn’t think. So I prayed.
“God, should I be a wedding planner or a doctor in Africa.”
“Africa.” He whispered to me. Not so much as a whisper, more as pressed this single word into my brain. This thought was not my own, this word was not my own. This was a word of God, and the only thing I have been completely sure of.
If this word was not enough, I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulder. Sure, people say that all the time. But I literally felt it. My cold sweats was gone. My nausea and shakiness was gone. Those were replaced by a smile.
“Africa it is.”
And never have I questioned that is where I have to go. Do I dream of living in a mansion with my rich husband? Raising my kids and holding my grandbabies? Having my dream wedding? Having a house filled with my children’s laughter and music playing in the background? Why of course. But these dreams are overshadowed and replaced with dreams of living in a small house filled with kids I have adopted or people with nowhere else to go and knowing my door is always open. Dreams of raising kids who I did not birth, but that I have accepted as my own. Dreams not of holding my grandbabies, but of being there to hold others. Whether they are a kid who needs to feel their Father’s love because their earthly father hurt them, a woman lying there after having fought so long with AIDS, that death has become a relief. Dreams of a woman screaming during childbirth in her shack because she could not afford to go to a hospital.
The decision to move to Africa only took a few seconds. But to commit to that decision, well that takes a lot. Even now, preparing for it takes a lot. I’ve had the following conversation many times:
“What do you want to do when you grow up?”
“I want to do mission work in Africa!”
“Really! That’s so cool! How long will you stay there?”
“Oh... how did you come up with that?”
And I will tell them my story. I will feel their look staring at me saying “Are you crazy?”
And maybe I am.
Or the battle of trying to tell my parents that I don’t want to go to college. I want
to go and help those who need me. They think it’s just a phase I’m going through. There is hardly a doubt in their mind that I won’t graduate with anyone less than my Master’s. My parents think I will leave here in America. Everytime I bring up Africa I see the slightly hurt look on my mom’s face and the disbelieving look, but the fear that I might actually grow up and leave her. Or the look on my dad’s face. A mix of so many emotions. Disappointment and confusion and flat-out disbelief and unacceptance.
You see, it was never my decision to begin with. It was God’s decision and one day He let me see it. I can’t carry it out for another few years. The details are fuzzy. All I have is my faith. All I need is my faith. My faith will get me there.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Always, for as long as I can remember. And I've always loved kids. I remember when I was four years old I would go and watch the babies in the church nursery.
I remember dreaming about my Prince Charming back in kindergarten, as I'm sure everyone does.
Now, I'm sure that most girls want to be a mom. Some, that's all they want to be. Just grow up and be a mom. And I want a little more than that (I'll share that in another post) but I want to be a mom more than anything. Even now, I'm usually the motherly figure with my friends. I'm the one who stops them from breaking the rules, who tells them not to swear, who tells them to pull up their pants, who they can come to for advice, who cares about them, who loves them.
But I want kids of my own. I'm not sure if that will happen because, well, one needs a husband for that. But I still want to adopt.
Anyway. Enough of the back story. Here are some things that I want to do as a mother...
I want to paint my little girls' nails.
I want to tuck my little boys into bed at night and plant a kiss on their forehead.
I want to have us all say grace around a dinner table in front of a meal I made for them.
I want to read them Bible stories.
I want to pass advice onto them.
I want to help them with their homework.
I want to rock them to sleep.
I want to take them to parks.
I want to show them how to do things.
I want to give them little gifts.
I want to pack their lunches and make them cookies.
I want to meet their friends.
I want to take pictures of them.
I want to tell them all about when they were younger.
I want to encourage them.
I want to send them off on their first day of school.
I want to help them throughout their teen years.
I want to sit there and watch movies with them.
I want to be involved in their life.
I want to love them.
I want to be the best mother they've ever had and could ever ask for.
Maybe my expectations are a little too high, maybe they are unrealistic. But I would like to be a mom. And I felt like sharing.
Any moms out there?